Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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