I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
