the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
