you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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