all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
