I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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