you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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