I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my liver is dry heaving
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
