What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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