you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
