Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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