I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
