So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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