I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
