Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
