Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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