Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
