I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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