I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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