We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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