I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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