I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
