dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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