I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
