If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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