Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
