She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
