You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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