Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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