I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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