Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
