The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
