he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
