He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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