Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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