yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
