i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As shirtless as possible
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
