i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
