Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
