She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
