I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
