I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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