you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
