new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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