I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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