i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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