Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
