somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
