Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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