I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
