eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
