I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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