alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
