i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
