i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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