Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
