ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
