My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
