for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
