no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
