forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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