i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
