Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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