I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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