That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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