sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
