I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
