theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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