so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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